What It Means To Be A Mom

My friend, tagged me to do this, I am a little late (sorry) but here it is anyway!

I have been thinking on how I would post this, and there is soo much I coulod say and go off on, and the subjects all seemed to eventually run into all the other aspects to being a mom, so I decided to post a sort of "journal entry" of how I have been feeling lately about things within myself that deal with my kids. Its not too specific, but within writing it I sort of reminded myself of what it is to be a mom and some sacrifices moms make to be a mom. So, here it is:

I am soo tired of my children not listening to me! They use to be so good (well-behaved, I mean they had their moments too). Now that they are older and can actually understand and remember the rules, it seems to have gotten worse!! Plus, it doesn't help that I feel like i'm the most HORRIBLE mom! With my oldest, I spent so much time with him. Just everyday stuff. Now, the everyday stuff, I try to get through as fast as I can so I can get other stuff done. Then I end up watching TV or trying to read. I feel like I don't get enough time to do what I want to do!

I knew with kids thet HAVE to come before most all else. I decided to forfeit my day when we had them, but I don't really know how to take back up the feeling I had when I first started my job as a mom (so many other things have happened along to help my feelings but still!!!). I am lost at how I can get back my attitude and feeling of accomplishment in just being a mom and staying at home everyday. I feel lazy when it comes time to take them to the park or go outside. When I do, they don't play or do anything unless I do it with them and the moment I stop, they stop. They don't stay interested. I want them to take what I start them off with and do their own thing with it. I want them to play own their own, with each other, without the fighting constantly and hurting each other!

But I am being HORRIBLE! I am wanting and waiting for someone to tell me that its ok for me to do what I want and all that I am feeling is fine. In reality its not! I am their rock, the one they depend on! I am their teacher, friend, chef, transportation, comfort, entertainer, and most important their MOTHER. It is not their job to make me feel better, loved, special, or important, It is MINE to make them feel thay way! And no one is here to pick up my slck and on top of it, It is no one's JOB to pick up my slack!!! My husband has unfortunaltly been the one I have tried to dump my load of responsibilities on and as wonderful as he is tried to do it, but it just made both of us miserable!


That is my "sort of" story on what it means to be a mom, though there are SOOOO much more to it!!!
I would tag someone, but I am new to this and don't really know anyone to tag (except for my friend who tagged me) so I will just encourage you to tell me what you think and/or share experiences with me or anyone you can count on!

My Baby Is Getting Big!

Well, not too much has gone on, thats why I haven't posted. Saturday, hubby watched the kids while I got out and did some shopping and picked up groceries, That was a nice day. But the reason for my title, my Gus Gus has decided to start the weaning process :(. You know, in the beginning you are all excited about breastfeeding. You embrace that and love that connection!!! Then as time goes bye, while you still enjoy it, you start thinking about when your baby is done nursing and won't need you for that anymore and what are you going to do for that closeness. When the the process actually starts you get sorrowful, thinking how soon it will be over and wonder where all the time went. But I am trying to keep in mind all the things I couldn't do, examples:
Victoria Secret bra here I come!!!!!
Not have to worry about wearing shirts a little big for room
Knowing he is growing up and getting more independent

Then there are some drawbacks:
Boobs getting smaller
the connection
breastfeeding gives you some advantages on getting out of stuff! (wisdom teeth being cut out, etc.)

Anyway, Thats new with me maybe tomorrow will be a little more exciting :)

The Small Stuff

My youngest had a new discovery today. Me and my two boys went for a walk after lunch.On that walk I noticed Gus Gus falling behind, As I kept encouraging him to keep up I failed to notice the reason why. After a few times of turning back and telling him to catch up, I noticed he was studying my shadow (which was behind me that time of day). HOW CUTE IS THAT!!!! After my realization I pointed out that he too has a shadow, after which he would stop in the middle of the sidewalk and "wait" and watch his shadow!

Along the rest of the walk my oldest Roo proudly claimed his shadow was "A POWER RANGER". Roo found a small white rock from the walk while Gus Gus found a penny!!! They were so proud of their "treasures."

I find it amazing all the small stuff we forget about and had to learn in all the "bigger" stuff of the world. I cherish these times when my children bring me back to the fascinations of the things that are taken for granted and forgotten about. Having children is such and ADVENTURE!!! You never know what kind of day you are going to have or just when you think your day couldn't get any worse, they will pop up with something that melts your heart!!!

Another little story about my Gus Gus, it happened today as well. I had him in my arms trying to get him to take his nap, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed he was looking at me. But when I paid a little more attention to him, noticed he was "mocking" my blinking, if I blinked once, he would blink once, if I blinked twice in a row so, would he!!! I couldn't hold back the laughter!! So, before his nap, we both had a good laugh together!!!

Boerdom

Lately I have been struggle with FINALLY being back home, surrounding by my own things and my own way of doing things. While that is soo great to have again (I have been living with family members with my 2 small children, experiences is all I can say); I am now finding, there isn't much left to do but the daily chores and activities being a wife and mother bring.

To REALLY understand where I'm coming from, you will have to better understand my personality, which is as follows:
I love having friends over, being busy, looking forward to experiences (even taking the kids to the zoo!), I like being around people soo much, that an errand to the store is GREAT if a friend goes, or sitting in my house me and a friend reading a book of our own. I VALUE that sort of closeness.To have someone that likes me/my personality soo much just to be in the same room with me.

So now maybe you can see my struggle. I mean I LOVE LOVE LOVE my children. My commitment and love for them is unconditional, and I value the time I have with them during the day and pretty much all the time. As some of you know, there is never a dull moment with children. But I a talking for my own personal, and sometimes selfish feelings and my own sanity. I had this sort of friendship with 2 friends that situations have taken us from being close in distance we are still close in out relationship, just can't hang out daily!

Anywho, just rambling now. I just wondered how many others share my pain :) more of understanding from experience :)! Thats all for now! ADIOS!!!!